Date Archives October 2015

Am I Responsible for Hurricane Patricia?

A week ago before my unfortunate ‘fall’ (FYI – I am bed-ridden owing to a lower-back injury), whilst flicking through channels, I landed on a news piece on Hurricane Patricia. A CNN documentary followed on the causes and the possible measures that can be taken to prevent further damages.

The documentary consisted of nothing new, facts and root causes that every human being on Earth is already familiar with. Our constant burning of fossil fuels, greenhouse gases, deforestation etc. culminate to the natural calamities our Mother Earth faces each year. And then all of a sudden, an unsettling thought entered my mind and I have not been able to shed it since. And today when my medications have permitted me some time with my senses, I want to share the thought with you all before I fell back into a medic-o-coma!

Are you all set to witness a horror we have conveniently ignored all our lives?

My name is Ifrah Waqar. I am a Book addict. And I am responsible for Hurricane Patricia (and every other natural disaster since the dawn of civilization). You are already well-briefed with the concept of planting more trees and how this mere act can help us save our planet. Trees help combat air pollution, conserve energy, save water, prevent soil erosion, and provide food and much, much more. But what we fail to comprehend is that every time, we visit a bookstore to purchase a single traditional, printed book, we cut down a tree from the face of the planet!

I have always debated against electronic books; the feel of a paperback in my hands is perhaps the greatest thrill in my life. And I simply cannot imagine my library reduced to a portable electronic device. But does this mean I am single-handedly involved in destroying my planet? My father (Bless His Soul) offered to buy me a Kindle and I refused. I have a tablet and access to multiple ebooks but I always prefer to buy my paperbacks.

Does this mean that each time, I choose to buy a traditional book, I contribute to global warming? Are all bookworms around the world responsible for the hole in the ozone layer? Is the global demand for books which we consider to be progress directly proportional to the number of lives lost around the globe to disasters like Hurricane Patricia?

I often claim to recycle which I do actually. I try to conserve water while washing or bathing. I conserve electricity. Even my office uses recycled paper but is that enough against the hundreds of books I hoard in my room?

Haunting? Isn’t it?

Perhaps this is just my conscious talking in the wake of horrors of Hurricane Patricia or the recent Heat Wave? But all this has certainly convinced me to reconsider ebooks.

Is the joy of picking out a paperback and feeling it under my skin worth another Tsunami?

Is calling a library of over a 1000 books worth disrupting the North Atlantic Current?

I know buying one less book will not do much for global warming but its a start right?

I ask you all: Are we Bookworms responsible for Global Warming? *wishes she is wrong*

Life imitating art

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Shopping Fest

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

“TELL ME”

I do not wish to know your story
Or the countless of dreams you hide
But tell me of that one unfortunate tale
That forced you to never confide…

I do not want to know about the great things
That you have over overcome
But tell me of those little things
That have made you what you’ve become…

I do not want to know the hundreds of applause
Or the gestures by people faking
But tell me how you feel
When you hear the sound of your dreams breaking…

I do not want to know of the brilliance
Of the sun at the peak of noon
But tell me about the darkest night
In the absence of the moon…

I do not want to know about your many friends
And what they say and do
But tell me about that one friend
Who lets you just be you…

I do not want to know about all the questions
That you have found the answers to
But tell me of that one answer
Of which you still feel to be untrue…

I do not want to know about the things
That you see in broad daylight
But tell me about what you see
After you close your eyes at night…

I do not want to know about your wounds
That hurt and burn sometimes
But tell me about the ones
Which have gone numb with time…

I do not want to know about the things you’ve written
Under the covers on a lonely night
But tell me about the blank pages that are filled
With words you were too reluctant to write…

I do not want to know about the things
That you would tell the world any way
But tell me about your immoral desires
That you are too afraid to ever say….

Fifty Shades Deeper: Why I Support A Dirty Book

Last week, a significant part of the reading world, celebrated the much-loved, Banned Books Week. I did too (This year I read, The Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseini) and involved my entire book club, #KHIBookSwap in support of the movement.

When we speak about banned books, one name seems to particularly surface often than others and not because of the explicit content but its general perception. If I had a penny for everyone I knew who hated the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy by E.L. James, well let’s just say, I would have been a self-published author by now.

Since the year (2012) I fell in love with these books, I have faced nothing but criticism and judgment. People, who know me quite well, apparently did not expect me to be this vile to like these books. Seemingly, it is ‘inhumane’ of me to even speak of this trilogy let alone recommend it to others. I have battled in my very own book club to make my fellow members understand the books but alas! All was in vain. Thus I have taken the responsibility to either convince all you critics out there or shush you up for good!

If you are expecting, a decent, dignified and healthy debate, please turn away. I am going to get very graphic here. (You have been warned).

Let’s take this piece by piece, I will answer all the questions and remarks thrown at me over the years concerning the books:

Question/Remark/Comment: This is not Literature. It’s porn! I could not even finish the first book.

My Reply: Oh Really! Well if this is porn, then were all the Sidney Sheldon, Judith McNaught and Julie Garwood Religious Scriptures?! If Sheldon gags a woman with a tie, that’s romance and if James ties a woman with the same bloody tie, its porn? If you had the guts to finish the first book, you would know where the book is leading to. If you spent all your University years, reading Sheldon at night (and messaging your boyfriend simultaneously) then you are no one to call a book indecent without having it read completely!

Question/Remark/Comment: This book is offensive and abusive to women!

My Reply: If you weren’t scared of people judging you, you would have the gourmands to finish the damn book and see how the story depicts the patience of a woman and when it goes against her respect; she stands up and walks out on the man she claims to be in love. The book is not written to degrade women, it is crafted to show how strong women actually are. If you weren’t too caught in the following the damn crowd, you would have read the books yourself and discovered just how strong Ana’s character is!

Question/Remark/Comment: How can you allow yourself to be controlled by a man like this?

My Reply: Ha Ha says the girl who now observes Hijab just cause her boyfriend says so! Know about the concept of “Inner Goddess”. Google it. It’s not porn. It’s human psychology. When you willing submit to your beloved and in turn release your inner power and strength; E L James just portrayed your “Unke Liye” or “Unhoon Ne Kaha Hai” into more of a graphic representation and now you call it controlling? If you think, adorning yourself with his favourite color is love then why the hell can she not express her love but submitting to his desires? You love it when your possessive guy, asks you about your day and all the people you met? When you text message your guy each time you use the loo, would you not consider that controlling? Oh! Wait, according to you, that’s out of love, well she telling him that she is leaving the state to meet her mother is also out of love!!!

Question/Remark/Comment: All they do is have sex. How can someone be so sick?

My Reply: Well it is far better than your boyfriend jerking off to text messages. Grow up! Christian Grey is rich; he has the means to buy a room so they do it in a hotel! And you whine about it because your boyfriend hardly has mobile-credit money. When you have to share one burger and one drink at McDonald’s just so you will have a place to sit, talk and hold hands, isn’t that a little desperate? So please deal with it. When someone who has a job and makes moola will date you, they too will take you on luxurious trysts. There is a line between needs and the means to acquire those needs. You have yet to experience the other side. That’s all! Besides, I think, dressing up for the movies is sick. I mean, what the hell girls, stilettos, red lips and opened tresses for Atrium Mall? Jeezzzzz!!! Attracting stares at the movie complex is the real sickening act.

Question/Remark/Comment: Christian Grey does not love her. He just wants to fuck her!

My Reply: Isn’t that better than your boyfriend of 4 years calling it off because he cannot marry against his mother’s consent? Christian never pretended to be something he is not. (Well you would know that if you had the balls to read the damn book) Ana knew of his intentions from day one. In fact he loved her so much that he completely changed for her. He married her! Girls, are you reading this? Christian Grey fought for Ana Steele, pursued her, convinced her of his love and married her!!! Do you really find FSOG offensive are you just jealous because you never got your ‘Happy Ending’?

Question/Remark/Comment: The book is filled with BDSM [bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M)]. It is repulsive and demeaning.

My Reply: I have witnessed a selection of misinterpretations about Ana and Christian’s supposedly abusive relationship as well as the expected criticism of the trilogy’s inherently salacious nature. But I have never come across the same girl, sharing her fantasies or boyfriend’s naughty text messages. Here is a new bulletin for all those girls: Every guy is into BDSM, the only thing that separates them from Christian Grey is the means to actually afford a place and the toys! Every man has deep, dark and dirty fantasies, he is just too much a pansy to actually admit them out loud.

Question/Remark/Comment: A book of such nature should not even get published!

My Reply: So you are saying, “Breathing Underwater” by Alex Flinn to “A Child Called ‘It’” by Dave Pelzer to “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky, all of these should have never been published either? But no – to you people all of these titles are literary masterpieces!

I can literally go on and on, I have been bombarded by such critique for years and all I request the knockers is to allow yourself a chance to read the bloody books before you make an opinion. After having read the books, if you still do not like them that is when I will respect your verdict but please do not judge the book just because you heard someone telling you, he beats her with a crop in it.

I too myself have one problem with the entire series, if I ever meet James in person; I will surely tell her that all the books and just not “Grey” should have been told by Christian’s perfective because yes I support feminism but this was in reality the transformation of an autocratic billionaire who soon was on his knees to be with the woman he loved.

I always say this and will continue to utter: This is a modern-day love story. A love story of a man and a woman fighting for an unrealistic relationship, a story with cars, mobile phones and laptops, a story of a man falling in love against his basic instincts and a story of a woman who had to choose between her love and her self-respect.

What is so horrible about that?
Believe it or not, we experience the same every single day! (May be just with less money and without a red room) When he does not take time out for your special day because he has a Boys-Night-Out, believe me girls that is more degrading then him sharing his sexual desires with you inside his-self-paid-hotel-room! Whether you wish to join him in his fantasies or not is entirely your decision but at least learn to have an opinion and not follow the crowd blindly.

Put it on Paper

https://vimeo.com/143355202

All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

Good Vibes

I love this song. I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

 

Self Employed Lifestyle


You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Meeting With New Neighbours

You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

This is an image post!

11

You’ve swallowed a planet! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!