Since I can remember, friends and entire the institution of friendship have been sacred to me. Being the only child for many years, and not blessed by discovering books at any early age, I found comfort in my friends. Although I preferred playing alone, often pretend games (especially packing a small luggage bag and pretend to be flying to another country), but more or less, my friends meant the world to me.
Perhaps for the last 12 to 15 years, my views on friendship kept rotating, had a handful of experiences where friends did not turn out to be that true, reliable or honest as I thought them to be. Anyways, a few years ago, I stopped running after my friends, stopped trying to keep everyone together and did not go out of my way to make gestures that were never reciprocated. I then stop expecting from my friends, which I think, is a whole lot of baloney, if you can’t depend on your friends, then this world is certainly going to the dogs.
Life moved on, I got busy with my life and yes a decade ago, found peace, honesty and solace amongst my words and books so frankly did not find the need to run after human beings. But all was good, believe me, all was good, I had no regrets or animosity for any of the people who betrayed or cheated me, even made some new good friends, however, last night, at around 09:47 pm I came across a rather disturbing scenario. After 3 years of asking myself what possibly could I have done wrong to my drive my best friend away, I came to realize that I wasn’t to blame at all.
The height of being selfish and scheming just to get what you want is what we call friendship most of the time. I learned how low, materialistic and self-centered people can get and believe me, it wasn’t a good feeling. And no, being grownups about it does not help counter the feeling of being betrayed. But I guess then it’s true, betrayal is survival.
And no, don’t get me wrong, I am not upset, I am happy, my life is beautiful, yes I lost my father and I miss him every day but other than that, my life is good, I have a wonderful family constantly supporting me, I am smart, sexy and successful and I have no regrets but yes for the first time in my life, I realized, you did not deserve my friendship.
