One day I will stop caring…
And my heart will stop bearing…
This pain…
Of unspoken dreams…
And vacant desires.
One day I will stop thinking of you…
And my head will be free of…
Your sweet sweet lies…
Your manipulating eyes.
One day I will stop understanding…
And my soul will stop soaking…
Your never ending alibis…
And your perfect pretense…!
One day I will raise my voice…
And make you hear…
All I have to say…
And all that you let go unheard of.
One day I’ll walk into your life…
As me and not someone…
You carved out…
Of your fantasy.
One day I’ll know where I went wrong…
And let you play with my…
Immature feelings…
And inexperienced lips…!
One day I’ll know why I acted so dumb…
Not knowing
It was all a lie from the start…!
One day I’ll be strong enough…
To let it all go…
Your insensitivity…
Your Heartlessness…
Erase you from my heart and soul…
Wash away your imprints…
And live a lie myself…
“I Hate You”…!!!
Blog
JUST ME…
From the pastel picture unfolding before my eyes…
To dark smoky rays of your existence…
From the morning’s fresh air…
To the dewdrops that moisten my skin…
I’m just flesh and blood.
From the quiet hour before the dawn…
To the bustling city sunset…
From the frosted glass cabins…
To the late hours in the empty halls…
I’m just a paid employee.
From all the failures in math…
To all the achievements in science…
From all the medals on the mantle…
To all the certificates bearing dust…
I’m just a student.
From all the times you shared…
To all the times we stood hand in hand…
From all the classroom gossip…
To all the unconditional trust…
I’m just a friend.
From the endless expectations…
To all the times I stood quiet in respect…
From all the praises…
To all the times I suppressed my wishes…
I’m just a daughter.
From all the late night hot chocolate…
To all the Disney movies…
From all the dirty little secrets…
To monthly allowances.
I’m just a sister.
From all the love stories…
To all the bangles on my dresser…
From all the winter night readings…
To all the bags that adorn my shoulders…
I’m just a girl.
From the peach blush on my cheeks…
To the deep kohl in my eyes….
From the fragrant henna on my hands…
To the chorus of my glass bangles…
I’m just a bride.
From the day you said I do…
To all the nights you held me tight…
From all the sacrifices in the name of love…
To all the rewards of silence…
I’m just a wife.
From all the eating for two…
To all the times of searing pain…
From the time I heard the first cry…
To the day of his graduation…
I’m just a mother.
From hot turbulent roiling fragments of my mind
To the time I’m filled with images spreading slowly across a blank page…
From when I try so hard to contain them, rein them back…
To the words that temper my emotions…
I’m just a writer.
That’s right…
Above all…
I’m a writer…
Poised, ink ready to flow…
Like blood through my veins…
Warmth, truth, bits and pieces of my life…
Waiting to blaze across these blank white pages…
My words…
Struggle against my will…
Each one taunting me…
Pleading with me to be set free…
They chide me…
“Be real, be honest…
Be brave, be bold,
Dare to write who and what we are.”
And when I listen to them…
And release my inner self…
I melt into the earth, vanish…
Only to be reborn again from the ashes…
And I am stronger than before…
Beautiful words, you have set me free…
Free to be who I really am…
Just me…
A writer…!!!
“…Selfless Presence…”
The sky is steel grey…
The sun has decided to take a holiday…
And birds chirrup loudly from the shaded mires.
A morning…
No different from the rest…
New York Times Square…
Certainly knows how to entertain winters.
Lively creatures…
Walk up and down the streets…
Each engaged in their own frivolities.
Running through the day…
Desperately trying to fill each minute…
With things yet to appear.
He is standing on one side of the road…
A man probably in his late twenties…
Waiting for the signal to go red…
Wearing his black pull over…
And a laptop bag on his right shoulder.
From the looks of a double espresso in his left hand…
Seems like he is on his way…
To another important meeting…
And
From the looks of his eyes…
It seems he has not been getting much sleep.
On the other side…
Another group of hasty pedestrians…
Linger to make their way to the other side.
Wait
What is this…?
A slender female in her early twenties…
Fidgeting amongst the rest…
She is most likely to be running late for work…
With the pile of files cramping her arm…
Looks like she is trying to make a mark…
In a world…
Ruled by chauvinistic men.
She tries to balance a latte in her hands…
While trying to keep warm…
Beneath her grey convertible collar trench.
And
From the looks of her dry patchy skin…
It seems she has not been taking much care of herself.
As the traffic signal…
Shifts from an emerald…
To a scarlet…
She takes her first step down the pavement…
He too unaware of the world around him…
Decides to mess with fate.
As her feet touches the first white stripe…
She raises her gloomy eyes…
And bringing on vindication…
His eyes meet hers…
The heart pounds…
But needs no retaliation.
She does not understand…
A self restoration takes place.
He finds him coerced towards her pale face…
A sudden disclosure of repose…
And a strange tenderness appears in the pupils.
As steps grow closer…
A faint smile starts to take shape…
His eyes speak of a betrayal beyond conception…
Her eyes narrate a story of trials and tears.
He feels no obligation…
To meet her expectations…
She assures with an unspoken declaration
Converting regulations…
Into friendly stipulations…!
She has a look that catches the eye…
But an aura that catches the heart…
His smile grows…!
He knows it is hard to reinstate faith…
But he is firm and resolute in his path.
Her cheeks fill up with color.
Half way between the roads
Their souls…
Intercept…
The air turns sultry…
The aroma of her hair…
Drenched in apples…
Sends a shiver down his spine…
His fantasies awaken.
Feelings of past emerge.
His deep dark eyes mystify her.
For a moment…
He could actually hear her heart ache with loneliness…
The accidental brisk of his arm against hers…
Caused the world to cease…
He had managed to give her an embrace of a lifetime…
With one single touch.
She wants to utter a million unsaid dreams…
And he understands each n every word.
He remembers how wonderful…
It was to live without boundaries.
She now remembers how cathartic…
It was to blush and feel beautiful.
As soon as they pass each other…
The world comes to life again…
Life does not stop for a mere theatrical debut.
They continue to take their steps forward…
She turns back and catches his gaze once again.
He whispers…
I’ve never felt so much familiarity…
By just staring into someone’s eyes…
So much I know about you without a single word…
Ever escaping either of our lips.
You have read me a like an open book…
And given me hope to write a brand new chapter.
She has learned to smile again…
And talk her heart out…
I do not understand…
How is it possible…?
In a matter of moments…
You have managed to heal my wounds…
In spangled silence…
You have given me a perfect moment of intimacy.
You’ve made me believe in kindness, loyalty and care once again.
“You have to put yourself first and learn to trust again”, he articulates.
“You have to let go of your past and give love a second chance”, she whispers back.
Now here we are…
Ready to depart our separate ways…
Beginning a brand new existence…
No one told us…
We were going to find each other…
Unexpected…
What you did to my heart…
When I lost hope…
You walked in…
Like a guardian angel…
Joint by an innocent touch…
We now feel free and ready to take on life.
As they step onto the concrete…
The sun peaks from behind the clouds…
His cell phone rings…
It’s his client, he loved his designs.
Her colleague waives to her…
Praises her dress and they walk away.
A selfless presence…
Can shower a decade of love and understanding…
Leaving behind only…
Memories that will stimulate smiles…
Till the end of time…!
“The Tale Of My Undoing”
Our story
Was like a tear drop…
Temporary and perishable…
The sky has now decided our fate…
Nothing we can do…
Except embrace the memories…
Our paths have now divided…
Your eyes from the far end of the aisle…
Assure me that you are happy…!
I must walk away now…
Forget everything…
The yellow roses must now rest…
The books must now retire…
The bangles must refrain from the chorus…
All the times you held my hand…
The fragrance must cease to exist…
The hug must learn to tame its heat…!
It must have been a treasure…
But it must now hide underneath my kohl.
She looks beautiful in the silk white gown…
How could I even believe…
I would match up to her beauty…
You both look perfect together…
I could not even live up to your name…
She is a wonderful human being…
She’ll enter your family like their very own…
She’ll give you everything you ever wanted…
All I could do…
Was help you out of your tormenting past…
she is going to help you…
Craft your entire lifetime…
I pray that she will love you more than I ever could…
You also,
Take care of her…
Never for a second…
Take her for granted…
We both knew…
This was to come…
What have I done…?
With my own hands…
I’ve written the tale of my undoing.
How could I have been this naive…?
To fall for a dream…
That was never meant to come true…!
No,
I must not think like so…
I knew what awaited me…
This is something I do not regret…
But
Cherish for as long as I live…
I hope the time you had with me…
You were happy…
I hope I made myself…
Worth your attention…
Worth your life long friendship…
I hope I did what I came here for…
Your past is now a faded memory…
With all the hope for a vivid future…!
As I now…
Hurl around in my around my yellow dress…
Dancing at your reception…
In the arms of your best friend…
There is only one thing…
Left to say…
Beneath my skin…
Beyond my senses…
Behind my soul…
You Live…!
“…imperfections…”
If you can look…
Look closely…
At my imperfections…!
If you hold my hands…
You’ll know how brittle I am.
If you ask me to dance…
You’ll know how much I love to fly.
If you look past the kohl…
You’ll know a sea of broken dreams.
If you touch my heart…
You’ll know how weak I am.
If you thrust my lips…
You’ll experience the fire inside me.
If you browse through the pages of my diary…
You’ll know how difficult it is to be righteous.
If you question my honor…
You’ll see the woman inside me.
If you ridicule my affection…
You’ll watch me move heavens for you.
If you inquire of a sacrifice…
You’ll see me walk away right this minute.
If you ask me for a favor…
You’ll know of my compassion.
If you put me under stress…
You’ll see how I shine before dawn.
If you pour toxins in my life…
You’ll observe my perseverance.
If you trap me in your lies…
You’ll see faith in my eyes.
If you try to cheat on me…
You’ll see me wait for you over dinner.
If you give me an anklet…
You’ll witness the melody of a thousand angels.
If you give me yellow roses…
You’ll know the blush of a bride.
If you tease my senses…
You’ll see how inexperience I’m in bed.
If you test my love…
You’ll awaken the Juliet inside me.
If you question my persistence…
You’ll find the 21 letters, never posted.
If you wonder of my patience…
You’ll spot me standing right here years down the line.
If you take me in your life…
You’ll walk into Paradise.
…HEAL…
Some twenty years ago…
My mom screamed her head off…
When she saw me scribbling on the kitchen wall…
I was forbidden to write…
On the walls that is…
Words…
Ah! Sweet Words…!
They have always been my refuge…
My saving grace…
My sanctuary…
Through all my struggles…
I’ve poured out my agony…
When I had to purge my sorrow…
Words came to my rescue…!
People often ridiculed me…
A Writer in a White Lab Coat…!
They used to say…
Question me…
How can scientists ever…
Describe the depths of loneliness…!
Little did they know…
No one could ever…
express it better than a Desert Princess…
Caught between being a daughter and a girl…!
I stuck to my soul…
I knew it was my true calling…
Often the pain along the way…
Was too deep to tell…
…and the sadness…
…and anger…
Bottled up all inside…
None to paint a picture of fear and regret…
That’s when a bound…
Spiral…
Collection of blank pages…
Saved me from the tallest tower in the castle…!
In a world where…
People are caught in trivial matters…
To help my grieve…
My words were here again…!
…to celebrate my victories…
…to hug my ache…
…to hold me when I’m cold…
…to dance with me in the rain…
My words have seen it all…!
All the sweet memories…
Those keep haunting me…
With the steady rhythm of my heart…
My words continue to tease your senses…
And long after…
I’ve left this temporary world…
My words will continue…
…to remind you of my love…
…my hatred…
…my dreams…!
Mom says, in our society…
Girls do not win the Pulitzer Prize
But that has never stopped me before…
So, listen you all…
Am not giving up my dream just yet…
I still believe…
I have what it takes…
To make people go…
…awww…
And
…ahhhh…!
Ill be the persisting wall of words…
Never letting go…
I don’t care what you say…
I just know one thing…
Somewhere in these words…
Hides my essence…
My fountain of youth…
Have to keep drinking it…
Have to keep putting it…
…on paper…
To heal myself…!!!
“I still believe…”
A few pictures rest among the pages of my diary…
A used tissue paper still reeks of you…
An old toffee wrapper still smells sweets…
And the city is still alive at 3:15 AM in the morning.
The waves still rise above the shore…
I still cannot reach into the sky and hold a star…
People still believe in stories of love and destiny…
And I still find myself telling sweet lies.
The wind still blows against my pale cheeks…
Dreams still find a way back to me…
A few songs are still hard to listen to…
And I still believe this was all meant to be.
I still weep at night under the sheets…
The wall beside my dresser still illustrates the crack…
The black tee still bears the coffee stain…
And I still cannot find my pink charm bracelet.
This bed still hides a few secrets untold…
This cell phone still holds a few calls unanswered…
This library still conceals your letters…
And I still sometimes see you near my bed post.
A few words are still hard to say…
A few feelings are still hard to express…
A few dreams are still hard to let go off…
And a few hugs are still irreplaceable.
I still believe in strangers becoming best of friends…
I still believe my words make you shudder…
I still believe I’ve what it takes to bring you back…
And I still believe in YOU…!!!
“I’m Whipped”
Why do I have to make these choices…
Always forced to listen to theses voices…
Until all I hear is a mix of noises…!
I know you so well
When you feel any emotion I can tell
I can make what’s going through your head…
As soon as you enter the room…
I know what ticks you…
I know what clicks you…!
I know what secrets lurk in the depth of your laptop…
I know what is that think…
When you see my heena hands…
I know how you feel…
When you text me “thinking of you”…
At 3:24AM in the night…
And I know when you think of me…!
The only problem is…
That we can’t be together…
I can’t tell at all if you see me in your daydreams…
This of all is the scariest decision…
The risk of finding out and loosing my best friend…!
It’s like gambling a double or nothing…
Will I discover you really need me…
Or will I be left with no one to save me…
I wish someone would guide me in what to do…!
How to help me deserve you…
I know I can probably never match up to her…
She’s probably the perfect girl, tall with straight gorgeous hair…
How would I ever compare…
I can’t reveal to you how I feel…!
These voices tell me I should choose to conceal…
But my heart tells me I should choose to reveal…
How can I ever make you want me for real…!
Who do I turn to when you are the one…
I tell all my problems to…
When this time my problem is about you…!
My worst fear was revealed to me…
When you said I’ll be dancing at your wedding…
When I know in that case…
There will be tears I’ll be shedding…!
When I look at my invitation and read the heading…
With your name on it and the luckiest girl next to it…
How would I handle myself and go through with it…
Your gorgeous bride standing by your side…
Me watching in the crowd…
Pretending I’m the girl in white…
Knowing deep down this can’t possibly be right…
She will never feel for you the way I do…
Was she with you through all these times…
Would she write you all these rhymes…
Some may say I’m whipped…
I say I just care…!
Whenever I do something for you…
It’s my way to prepare…
For my imaginary future I have with you…
The one we’ll never have…
I know you are happy with her…
And I pray each day…
For this to continue…
You both have all my prayers…
For now just know…
I think I’ve fallen for my best friend…
One Chandler and Monica…
That can never be together…!
“For Now…” – Sequel to A Forbidden Encounter
Yellow roses…
Adorn her desk…
Yellow bangles…
Tease her senses…
Perhaps just not hers…
Her life has suddenly taken a detour…
Which she accepts…
She does not concur…!
Blushing away into oblivion…
Smiling for no reason at all…
Feeling beautiful in a middle of a hot day…
Is this all for real…?
This is not her…
A practical girl…
Who has always lived on her terms…
Now finds herself…
Strayed into a pair of
Prohibited arms…
Can this be all true…?
A girl like her…
Can she actually let go of her boundaries…?
To be with someone
She is forbidden to even dream of.
She finds herself…
Staring at the criss – cross lines…
Trying to figure…
If his name…
Might be hiding
Under the blankets of destiny.
No, he already belongs to someone else…
She cannot do this…
How can she even think…
Of hurting the one man she loves the most!
How can she be this selfish…
She keeps telling herself…
THIS TOO SHALL PASS…
But how will she ever…
Ward off his taste…
And push away his fragrance…
How perfectly he held her in his arms…
How perfectly her arms glided on his shoulders…!
How can she forget…
How he understands her darkest fears…
Just by her gait…
How can she ignore…
All the talks…
All the hours of endless sharing…
Each word uttered by him…
Secretly lives in her diary!
The trust she has is in him…
Carries a simple tune to her heart…
An emotional devotion…
A divine intervention…
She wishes everyday
To be self-centered enough
To ask him…
What he can never give.
She wants to know…
Can he put his hand in hers…
And go through life…
Leading each other to the light…
Till the end of time…!
Alas…
These are just dreams…
And hopeless antics…
That will take her no where…
For now she only wishes to be his Best Friend…
And be there for him…
Whenever he needs a hug…
A hug when the world is fast asleep…!
A love story that was only…
Meant to be written…
And not read…!
Legendary, and only told of in tales.
For now let me…
Hold onto your hand…
For tomorrow is to come…
With new battles to be fought…
And I want to be the one…
You turn to…
And talk your heart out…!
A FORBIDDEN ENCOUNTER
They knew it was wrong…
But they just wanted a few mintues…
O! Lord why couldn’t everyone take an off today…
He sat in his cabin…
Desiring her…
And she could feel the vibes…
All the way down the hall…!
One
Two
Three
Four
Great just great
And today they decide to be on time.
I so want you right now…
He texted her…
Stop making it so hard for me…
She replied…
Blushing just thinking about it…
She never thought…
She could make a man…
Feel this way about her.
He comes out for a drink…
Neutral…
And she sits there…
Watching him…
Hiding her fire…
From the world…!
Lord, please do something…
I just want to hold her and taste her inexperienced lips.
And all I want is to place my arms…
Around his shoulders…
Pull him closer…
And never let go…!
Its lunch time…
May we could…
Sneak in the kitchen…
No the office cook sits there…!
Just one minute…
Thats all we need…
Everyone around heads to the eating area…
She too goes as routine…
But leaving her heart behind…
She sits on the table…
With the rest…
And realizes…
She left her cell phone…
She heads down…
With her heart banging against her chest…
With a whirlpool of thoughts…
Clashing together…!
Is this is…?
Is this an alibi given by destiny…?
Is this our moment…?
She opened he door to the hall…
And she could hear…
His voice inside her head…
“Come here”, he kept repeating.
She enters his cabin…
And her heart skips ten beats…
Shivering from top to bottom…
Standing with her eyes plunging with blush…
He approached her…
And she shuts her eyes…
He slides his right hand…
Down her waist…
And all of a sudden…
All her fears drown…
She raises her lips…
To meet his…
…explosion…!!!
Two worlds collide…
And burst into a single drop…
Of pain intermingled with pain…!
She glides her arms…
Around his arms…
So naturally…
Her left leg pops…
Just like in old english movies…
In sixty seconds…
They both experienced…
Passion of a life – time…
He was just about to…
Explore her curves…
When she freed herself…
From his potent hold…
And feld his cabin…
He stood there for a second…
Smiled…
and turned towards his desk.
And she was left…
That could only be called…
A Forbidden Encounter…!
In a land of chains and law…
They had done…
What should have never been done…
But it was too late…
To mope over the mistake…
It was now time…
To savour it’s each moment…
With each stare…
With each accidental hallway bump…
With each stat meeting…!
They had done the impossible…
Creating their own little world…
Among the beasts of a wicked tomorrow…!
There was only one flaw…
In their brilliant plan…
Now they had to fight off…
The taste on their lips…
And ward all the possible…
Desires that follow…!!!