Do you believe in love at first sight?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve done so with all my heart. Granted expecting violins and saxophones was something I knew was never going to happen. But somewhere deep down hoped the skies would clear out, birds will chirp and there will definitely be a breeze of sorts.
I was pleasantly proven wrong.
Do you believe in soulmates?
Hell to the yeah. I mean when you grow up shipping Mondler (Monica + Chandler) how can you not? See what I did there?
I know. I know. I was sadly mistaken.
I hold no authority on dictating what love is but having spent 3 decades on Earth, I can certainly differentiate between love and something-like-love.
No matter how much we love to detest Edward’s sparkly skin, we all have wished for a love that stops time. We all crave for a moment when time stands still and the beauty of love shines through every space of our existence. Somehow all that – just does not exist! And for all the right reasons…
We yearn for chemistry.
We wish for harmony.
We pray for physics, biology and sometimes mathematics too. But have ever hoped for nothingness?
Our predefined quotients of love and relationships have led us nowhere but to a pool of arguments, fights and breaking points. I am not at all in any way suggesting that a more compatible human being is in any way less suitable match for you but books, movies and writers like yours truly have set human experience expectations. Like running a call centre and setting customer experience expectations is our number one priority.
How much he makes?
How good she is at going down?
Will he be a good father?
Will she get along with my mom?
Is he reliable?
Is she the faithful kind?
So many brackets, so many prerequisites and no manual! I mean, let’s not be skeptic, all of this is important, after all we are planning (or at least hoping to) to spend an entire lifetime together so a small checklist isn’t all bad. But nowhere do we find a manual to get to a conclusion. I mean, did anyone define a baseline for LOVE? (If you are reading this and you work at my office, I know what you are thinking, this is a feeling Ifrah – not a process that you can analyse and set during a quality management meeting). This might sound crazy but aren’t we all doing the same? Critically scrutinising every relationship in our lives and expecting a few baselines to be met?
And yes, I was one of them. Showing no flexibility, I had preconceived notions about love, friendship, loyalty, fidelity and all. And in doing so, I focused more on meeting the parameters then living the relationship itself. I understand that overnight, all cannot go away. But along the way, I’ve learned to deviate and be happy. I grew up thinking meeting someone by accident and falling in love at the very spot is romantic, I failed to take into account the laws of attractions (I suck at math). I looked up to Mondler thinking how can two people be this perfect for each other? I failed to navigate the thin line between just perfect and almost perfect. In real life there are no soulmates only people who are in it for the long run. In real life there are no goals and objectives only the desire to be together.
What we fail to realise is that the struggles, the compromises and the many nights of wonderment is what truly makes a relationship last. Sometimes, two people have to work at it to make it work and some lucky ones don’t have to work at all. Some of us get lucky, and I am happy for you but others need to put in an effort.
This very effort makes a relationship look like work and I hate this kind of work. There came a point in my life where I refused to produce any kind of effort, initiative or even blink to ensure it kept running. This happens when everything becomes one sided, whether we like to admit it or not but you need more than a single cog to keep the heart running. So, does this tell us that sustaining a healthy relationship is a two-way street? Right on! And that’s why the #OTPs on the Telly make it look so damn good. But predetermining every single thing takes the real fun out of it all!
A few habits, perhaps the lifestyle or two completely opposite philosophies to life are truly deal-breakers. But we need to look beyond those and give the other person a chance to compensate otherwise. Am I making it sound like a transaction? That’s precisely what a love is. An exchange of respect, trust and care, and the only place where I totally support and encourage interest!
Bend a little, believe me he’d appreciate it (in and out of bed).
A relationship is only beautiful when it wears and tears with time. Allow yourself to evolve. You do love your iPhone7 don’t you? Imagine carrying a 1.1 Kg mobile phone from 1973 in your clutch from CHANEL?
The preconceived bubble is a comfortable to place to walk but eventually you need an old, mouldy, spring mattress to settle down. Love works in mysterious ways, allow yourself to be surprised and even fooled at times. Only then you will be able to truly embrace love in its totality. It’s easier said than done but taking a chance only helps you grow as an individual. Why enter a relationship with expectations? Allow him/her to come to a point where taking a stand comes from the heart not from the circumstances. I understand that many of us face the fear of uncertainty, and not everyone enjoys the luxury of time and space but I also believe that good things come to those who uphold faith. All these words make love look like a scripture to be followed but it is exactly the opposite. In spite of the encumbrances of family, religion, culture and peers, only the two individuals involved can truly understand the dynamics of a relationship.
Playing safe won’t get you much. True love is all about contradictions and yet somehow striking a balance. True love is about finding the least compatible person on Earth and smiling every time he/she walks into the room. True love never comes easy, it has its own unique set of obstacles and challenges. Knowing you are totally screwed and looking forward to the goddamn trial is what makes it worth it!
Instead of focusing on ensuring a tomorrow, focus on today. What you choose to do today, defines your tomorrow. I know it scares the fuck out of you thinking it might not work in the end but just for a second imagine – what if it does? A healthy relationship does not just happen, its takes time, patience and two individuals at it like mad (again in and out of bed)! True love is not intoxication. It is a deliberate choice, a decision that knockouts every single belief you ever had about relationships.
Break free from the norms set for relationships by others. No two love stories are the same. And no two people are the same. Those partisan notions of love might give you a wedding but not a marriage. They might bring you commitment but never a relationship.
Break free from the norms set for relationships by others. No two love stories are the same. And no two people are the same. Those partisan notions of love might give you a wedding but not a marriage. They might bring you commitment but never a relationship.
And the choice ultimately lies with you…would you rather opt for a commitment or a relationship?
Love is not about sharing the same toothbrush.
It is about sharing everything else!
Love is not about insisting to pay first.
It is about keeping a track of whose turn it is.
Love is not about ordering what he likes.
It is about making fun of her garden salad.
Love is not about sharing a hobby.
It is about experiencing life in time away.
Love is not about finding the sweet spot.
It is about discovering the worst lava cake in town.
Love is not about the perfect anniversary present.
It is about the random love notes he leaves on your desk.
Love is not about knowing every single thing about him.
It is about knowing just how many hours it takes her to finish a murder mystery.
Love is not about knowing every single thing about him.
It is about knowing just how many hours it takes her to finish a murder mystery.
Love is not about that perfect first kiss.
It is about those habitual pecks on the cheek.
Love is not about falling asleep together.
It is about that java run in the morning.
Love is not about a perfectly tabulated family planning chart.
It is about those monthly freak-out sessions by the toilet seat.
Love is not about risking it all.
It is about knowing when to raise the stakes and when to step back.
Love is not about being whole together.
It is about two complete individuals coming together.
