Posts tagged best friends

“TELL ME”

I do not wish to know your story
Or the countless of dreams you hide
But tell me of that one unfortunate tale
That forced you to never confide…

I do not want to know about the great things
That you have over overcome
But tell me of those little things
That have made you what you’ve become…

I do not want to know the hundreds of applause
Or the gestures by people faking
But tell me how you feel
When you hear the sound of your dreams breaking…

I do not want to know of the brilliance
Of the sun at the peak of noon
But tell me about the darkest night
In the absence of the moon…

I do not want to know about your many friends
And what they say and do
But tell me about that one friend
Who lets you just be you…

I do not want to know about all the questions
That you have found the answers to
But tell me of that one answer
Of which you still feel to be untrue…

I do not want to know about the things
That you see in broad daylight
But tell me about what you see
After you close your eyes at night…

I do not want to know about your wounds
That hurt and burn sometimes
But tell me about the ones
Which have gone numb with time…

I do not want to know about the things you’ve written
Under the covers on a lonely night
But tell me about the blank pages that are filled
With words you were too reluctant to write…

I do not want to know about the things
That you would tell the world any way
But tell me about your immoral desires
That you are too afraid to ever say….

The Institution of Friendship

‎Since I can remember, friends and entire the institution of friendship have been sacred to me. Being the only child for many years, and not blessed by discovering books at any early age, I found comfort in my friends. Although I preferred playing alone, often pretend games (especially packing a small luggage bag and pretend to be flying to another country), but more or less, my friends meant the world to me.

Perhaps for the last 12 to 15 years, my views on friendship kept rotating, had a handful of experiences where friends did not turn out to be that true, reliable or honest as I thought them to be. Anyways, a few years ago, I stopped running after my friends, stopped trying to keep everyone together and did not go out of my way to make gestures that were never reciprocated. I then stop expecting from my friends, which I think, is a whole lot of baloney, if you can’t depend on your friends, then this world is certainly going to the dogs.

Life moved on, I got busy with my life and yes a decade ago, found peace, honesty and solace amongst my words and books so frankly did not find the need to run after human beings. But all was good, believe me, all was good, I had no regrets or animosity for any of the people who betrayed or cheated me, even made some new good friends, however, last night, at around 09:47 pm I came across a rather disturbing scenario. After 3 years of asking myself what possibly could I have done wrong to my drive my best friend away, I came to realize that I wasn’t to blame at all.

The height of being selfish and scheming just to get what you want is what we call friendship most of the time. I learned how low, materialistic and self-centered people can get and believe me, it wasn’t a good feeling. And no, being grownups about it does not help counter the feeling of being betrayed. But I guess then it’s true, betrayal is survival.

And no, don’t get me wrong, I am not upset, I am happy, my life is beautiful, yes I lost my father and I miss him every day but other than that, my life is good, I have a wonderful family constantly supporting me, I am smart, sexy and successful and I have no regrets but yes for the first time in my life, I realized, you did not deserve my friendship.

12 things 2012 taught me!

12) I may be tempted often to remove it but I feel the most beautiful and comfortable with my Hijab on.

11) M, is the sister, God forgot to give me. He did it purposely so; we’d meet 20 years later and drive everyone crazy around us.

10) I am so good that people hate me like anything yet still copy me!

09) My brother is a true artist. No just another guy with a DSLR but he actually knows how to capture a moment, be it through his lens or on a canvas using oil paints.

08) You can actually lose weight over a job. I lost 8lb since I start working for my current boss. (2.5 years).

07) Toners and cleansing milk do nothing for my skin except giving it acne.

06) No amount of bliss can surpass the joy you get when you take your family out for a dinner and a movie. Or any kind of outing that you give them.

05) My mom is undoubtedly the strongest woman I have ever seen. She lost her husband and today she laughs with her children. God knows, how she does it.

04) Cancer is a horrible nightmare that you live every day.

03) My father will not be there at my wedding day.

02) No amount of wealth can buy you Loyalty.

01) Parents have an expiration date. And you cannot ask Lord to extend their shelf-life. :’(

Let’s learn from the lesson and make the New Year count!

Did it ever occur to you…?

As my world came tumbling down…
I turned around only to see you gone…
How could have you done this to me…
Abandoning me when the dark storm came rolling in…
And to think I thought I could trust you.
Often I cannot help wonder…
How could you be this cold-hearted?
Did it ever occur to you…?
You left me in the middle of nowhere…
And expected me to smile every time you needed me…?
It was my fault all along…
I was too comfortable with you…
I thought you’d never leave my side…
I believed every lie you ever told me…
And followed it like blind faith.
And today I find myself…
Trying to veil my tears under the covers…
Did it ever occur to you…?
How difficult it is to pretend everyday…
To see you completely happy without me…?
I miss the times when I could say anything to you…
And now every time I start to share a problem…
You take it as whining and complaining.
I miss the times when you were my best friend…
And I could be crazy with you…
And we had little secrets that nobody else knew…
And today you don’t even look at me the way you used to…
What kind of a connection did we share…?
Were the feelings fake…?
Was the concern only to last with the shitty contract…?
I am sitting here…
Crying my eyes out…
And I can’t even ask you for a hug…?
Is this is what I signed on for…?
I was fine on my own…
I was independent…
And then you came along…
Holding me firm through everything…
Making me feel I could rely on you no matter what…
And then you dropped me like a used piece of tissue…
Now I’m alone again…
But now it hurts…
Now standing through all the troubles…
Without your guidance and embrace…
Is walking on burning coal with bare feet.
I have to fight sleepless nights…
And this wicked world throughout the day…
Only to see you perfectly happy with another woman.
And I have to retreat into my shell…
Hide the pain away…
Try and save my tears…
To cry another day.
Did it ever occur to you…?
That I am still in love with you…?
That I did not only lose the man I love but also my best friend…?
Did it ever occur to you…?
That watching you with her and dancing around isn’t easy…?
Did it ever occur to you…?
That may be I don’t want to be your best friend anymore…
That you are asking too much off me…
That I can no longer watch you love her…
And criticize every breath I take…?
That I can no longer be available for you when you want me…
Especially when I can’t even call you up…
Until there is a death at my end.
I am not sure how long I can keep up with your prerequisites
Because all I see is you having the time of your life…
While your so-called best friend is drowning in front of your eyes.