Posts tagged Friends

Isolation Diaries: 2 Weeks of Uncertainty, Books & Extremism | Lockdown Day 15

Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to announce that we’ve made it through 2 whole weeks of lockdown without murder, mayhem and only a few breakdowns.

It’s been over 2 weeks for ‘work from home’ and I am starting to lose it – seriously. I miss my office, my team, my desk and the fact I’ve zero tickets to resolve and zero moves on my Kanban board is driving me crazy.

Last Friday, I had my first, official nervous breakdown and I can no longer feel the ‘positive vibes’. People say, all this will end soon and we will go back to our normal lives. Does nobody realize that things will never be the same again. Hasn’t history taught us nothing? Take both the World Wars for instance, did we not witness a global shift? Or the Bubonic Plague and even the Spanish Flu, such pandemics lead only to far-ranging consequences that we cannot even begin to comprehend.

The COVID-19 outbreak has transformed our lives, disrupted markets, exposed political and economical incompetence. This could also very well mean the end of globalization and clearly a shift in the international power structure; from West to East. We are headed for a future with vulnerability and stiffer purse-strings.

Corporations, companies and even small businesses will rethink their decisions, partners and strategies. We will see lower profits but perhaps with much more stable and domestic backup plans plus reserves.

One thing is for sure, nothing will ever be the same again and in the midst of all this uncertainty, we need to find a way to “adjust” to the new normal. What actually bothers me is that I cannot even start to work to such habituating. This time space between isolation and working towards the adjustment is killing me.

In other news, I packed away over 700 books for sale and donation over the weekend, kept only my favorites (I think 379) and resolved to switch to e-Reading. I guess Quarantine does things to you!  Don’t get me wrong, this was not an impulsive move, my theory is, I will save more and hoard less when I opt for eBooks. According to my family, my decision will vanish once the Pandemic ends.

Moreover, I did catch-up with Manifest, I am not good at following TV shows especially after FRIENDS or Arrow but I just want to know what happened to Montego Air Flight 828!!! Is that too much to ask??? I’ve also tried a couple of recipes, managed to workout 11 days out of 15, and somehow kept my skincare game up. Am I doing isolation right? Haven’t baked or made Dalgona coffee or enrolled in any online course yet though.

I work from 09:00 AM to 06:00 PM, Monday to Friday, adhere to a routine, constantly look for opportunities, workout in the morning, consume healthy-esque meals and worry about sagging. But nothing works; precariousness eats me from the inside.

And just like everyone else in the Bookstagram or BookTube community, I too was thrilled to have all this time to read and I managed to complete a dozen books in about 10 days but for some reason since April walked in, I don’t feel the inclination. And I guess, I’ve nothing more to say.

Here’s hoping you are doing your best to stay indoors and attempting sanity. And its perfectly all right if you don’t walk out of this pandemic with a brand new set of skills. You are doing fine. We are fine. For This Too Shall Pass...

 

 

 

“The Love of My Life”

 
 
I am staring at this blank page…
And I find no words to express my ache…
The ache I was granted ever so generously…
From the love of my life…
Weaved a tale of unbridled passion…
Wrapped me in his naked-lies…
And made certain;
I wouldn’t be able to walk away…
From the love of my life…
I chose to have this blind-spot…
Everything pointed to otherwise…
But I refused to acknowledge the deceit…
From the love of my life…
All the pain, lying, disbelief, anger and hate he put me through…
Left me undone;
brittle and soar…
And yet I continued to long;
the non-existent…
From the love of my life…
I was a fool to believe…
He wanted more…
But his intentions were only to burn and conquer…
That ruthless man…
Incorrigible liar…
Insatiable lover…

 

The Love of My Life!

“You were a mirage…”


Trees surround my naive heart 
their bark damp and cold 

my soul wet and bitter. 

The sun had set long ago… 

my fortitude shattered 

into two and then to three 

and now please
 leave me alone here.
The sky is grey

blanketing my sullen thoughts 

My desires now dead.

T’was a mirage cascaded my yearning mind 
I now leave your

white lies and half-truths behind 

and join the perpetual oubliette

and with it bury our animosity for good.

“TELL ME”

I do not wish to know your story
Or the countless of dreams you hide
But tell me of that one unfortunate tale
That forced you to never confide…

I do not want to know about the great things
That you have over overcome
But tell me of those little things
That have made you what you’ve become…

I do not want to know the hundreds of applause
Or the gestures by people faking
But tell me how you feel
When you hear the sound of your dreams breaking…

I do not want to know of the brilliance
Of the sun at the peak of noon
But tell me about the darkest night
In the absence of the moon…

I do not want to know about your many friends
And what they say and do
But tell me about that one friend
Who lets you just be you…

I do not want to know about all the questions
That you have found the answers to
But tell me of that one answer
Of which you still feel to be untrue…

I do not want to know about the things
That you see in broad daylight
But tell me about what you see
After you close your eyes at night…

I do not want to know about your wounds
That hurt and burn sometimes
But tell me about the ones
Which have gone numb with time…

I do not want to know about the things you’ve written
Under the covers on a lonely night
But tell me about the blank pages that are filled
With words you were too reluctant to write…

I do not want to know about the things
That you would tell the world any way
But tell me about your immoral desires
That you are too afraid to ever say….

The Institution of Friendship

‎Since I can remember, friends and entire the institution of friendship have been sacred to me. Being the only child for many years, and not blessed by discovering books at any early age, I found comfort in my friends. Although I preferred playing alone, often pretend games (especially packing a small luggage bag and pretend to be flying to another country), but more or less, my friends meant the world to me.

Perhaps for the last 12 to 15 years, my views on friendship kept rotating, had a handful of experiences where friends did not turn out to be that true, reliable or honest as I thought them to be. Anyways, a few years ago, I stopped running after my friends, stopped trying to keep everyone together and did not go out of my way to make gestures that were never reciprocated. I then stop expecting from my friends, which I think, is a whole lot of baloney, if you can’t depend on your friends, then this world is certainly going to the dogs.

Life moved on, I got busy with my life and yes a decade ago, found peace, honesty and solace amongst my words and books so frankly did not find the need to run after human beings. But all was good, believe me, all was good, I had no regrets or animosity for any of the people who betrayed or cheated me, even made some new good friends, however, last night, at around 09:47 pm I came across a rather disturbing scenario. After 3 years of asking myself what possibly could I have done wrong to my drive my best friend away, I came to realize that I wasn’t to blame at all.

The height of being selfish and scheming just to get what you want is what we call friendship most of the time. I learned how low, materialistic and self-centered people can get and believe me, it wasn’t a good feeling. And no, being grownups about it does not help counter the feeling of being betrayed. But I guess then it’s true, betrayal is survival.

And no, don’t get me wrong, I am not upset, I am happy, my life is beautiful, yes I lost my father and I miss him every day but other than that, my life is good, I have a wonderful family constantly supporting me, I am smart, sexy and successful and I have no regrets but yes for the first time in my life, I realized, you did not deserve my friendship.