For months I’ve been playing this game…
Pretending I am okay with what you did.
Truth is…
I have not yet accepted that you left.
I still find myself…
Drawn to an illicit crafted fling…
That holds no meaning.
What is it that I am to you…
An ex – girlfriend…
A lover…
Your so-called best friend
Or en eligible mistress…?
Questions as such often have surfaced…
Never found the courage to ask you though.
We are bound by this love-hate connection
Something I cannot seem to break…!
You change as the colors across the sky…
Your words no longer penetrate…
I am unable to understand what you need of me…!
Owing to my position…
I can never ask you to come back to me…
And you continue to use that against me.
Can you not see the love in my eyes…?
I could never become the girl…
You wanted…
And to date…
I look in the mirror…
And count the flaws…
Those hold me back..!
She had perfect lips…
And your current knows you well.
She wore the crown…
And your current bears the seed.
She was a dream…
And now she is your entire lifetime…!
This brings me no where…
I’m still fighting to earn a place in your life.
I cannot be the girl you loved…
And I cannot be the girl you live with…
Then who I am…???
And if I am nothing…
Then why don’t you let me go…???
We fight every day…
You constantly criticize me…
You have problems with every step I take…
If I am defective piece…
Then why not throw me away…?
You decided to walk out with a perfect alibi…
And left me to clear the mess.
I love you unconditionally…
And I can no longer hold back the expression.
I fell in love with you
Without any reason or rhyme…
And I plan to continue on the same terms…!
You’ll never see for the woman I can be…
My small inexpensive gestures will never count for anything…
I don’t care…
You can spend the rest of your life…
Waking up to your woman…
I’ll sleep with my man…
And wakeup with you…!
You showed me heaven…
You made me feel
like nothing else matters
like the world is brighter then it used to be…
Sadly…
You’ll never get to see the Paradise…
I had carved for us…!!!
Posts tagged wife
JUST ME…
From the pastel picture unfolding before my eyes…
To dark smoky rays of your existence…
From the morning’s fresh air…
To the dewdrops that moisten my skin…
I’m just flesh and blood.
From the quiet hour before the dawn…
To the bustling city sunset…
From the frosted glass cabins…
To the late hours in the empty halls…
I’m just a paid employee.
From all the failures in math…
To all the achievements in science…
From all the medals on the mantle…
To all the certificates bearing dust…
I’m just a student.
From all the times you shared…
To all the times we stood hand in hand…
From all the classroom gossip…
To all the unconditional trust…
I’m just a friend.
From the endless expectations…
To all the times I stood quiet in respect…
From all the praises…
To all the times I suppressed my wishes…
I’m just a daughter.
From all the late night hot chocolate…
To all the Disney movies…
From all the dirty little secrets…
To monthly allowances.
I’m just a sister.
From all the love stories…
To all the bangles on my dresser…
From all the winter night readings…
To all the bags that adorn my shoulders…
I’m just a girl.
From the peach blush on my cheeks…
To the deep kohl in my eyes….
From the fragrant henna on my hands…
To the chorus of my glass bangles…
I’m just a bride.
From the day you said I do…
To all the nights you held me tight…
From all the sacrifices in the name of love…
To all the rewards of silence…
I’m just a wife.
From all the eating for two…
To all the times of searing pain…
From the time I heard the first cry…
To the day of his graduation…
I’m just a mother.
From hot turbulent roiling fragments of my mind
To the time I’m filled with images spreading slowly across a blank page…
From when I try so hard to contain them, rein them back…
To the words that temper my emotions…
I’m just a writer.
That’s right…
Above all…
I’m a writer…
Poised, ink ready to flow…
Like blood through my veins…
Warmth, truth, bits and pieces of my life…
Waiting to blaze across these blank white pages…
My words…
Struggle against my will…
Each one taunting me…
Pleading with me to be set free…
They chide me…
“Be real, be honest…
Be brave, be bold,
Dare to write who and what we are.”
And when I listen to them…
And release my inner self…
I melt into the earth, vanish…
Only to be reborn again from the ashes…
And I am stronger than before…
Beautiful words, you have set me free…
Free to be who I really am…
Just me…
A writer…!!!